14 weeks and our baby boy is the size of a pear! I’m getting a bit more comfortable (out of necessity) going to prenatal appointments alone due to the pandemic.
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13 weeks pregnant and little babe is the size of a lemon! It’s hard to believe I’m already in the second trimester.
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Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. I spent some time this morning looking back at photos from the day Ellis was stillborn. It’s bittersweet to remember.
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Exciting news...I’m featured in this month’s issue of San Antonio Magazine! I was so honored when they reached out to interview me. I felt validated—like the work I’m doing is meaningful. It also made me tear up to see Ellis’ name in print.
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Yesterday was hard. We had our first appointment with a perinatal specialist because this pregnancy is considered high risk due to our history of stillbirth and miscarriage. Ultimately the baby is healthy, which is wonderful, but everything is a little more complex with pregnancy after loss.
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Early in my grief after stillbirth, I read a book titled Finding Hope When a Child Dies. Its main thesis resonated with me and has continued to define my experience of grief—that the death of a child (or anything that we love deeply) is an initiation of sorts.
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Spring is in bloom and so is my bump! We are 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant and I’m starting to pop out a little. It might just be all the loquats I’ve been eating on our walks (or more likely all the extra chips, cookies, and ice cream ).
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The biggest tiniest miracle happened today—we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It’s a sound we’ve been waiting to hear again for nearly two years since Ellis was stillborn.
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Over the past several days I’ve contemplated how the current widespread anxiety around COVID-19 in our world makes me feel. I haven’t yet internalized it as my own anxiety and I hope it can stay that way.
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In honor of International Women’s Day, I want to encourage you to let your light shine. I’m continuously amazed by all the women in my life who I’ve connected with since experiencing pregnancy loss.
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I’ve noticed a handful of people on Instagram have unfollowed me since our pregnancy announcement and it made me realize that I want to acknowledge how many emotions come with these sorts of things.
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It worked!!! We‘re pregnant!!! We planned to announce it today and when I logged into Facebook this morning I had a “memory” (swipe to see the photo) from exactly two years ago, when we announced we were pregnant with Ellis. I had completely forgotten it was today. So we decided to re-create the announcement photo.
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I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with these sticks. I remember the elation I felt the first time I saw two pink lines wash over the test screen when I learned I was pregnant with Ellis after only a few months of trying.
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Many of you have been asking how I’ve been coping during this two week wait…I take things *day by day.* I try to focus on the present moment by not letting myself dwell too much on the past or the future.
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The mystery of the two week wait—oh how I’d love to know what’s going on in there! Has our embryo found itself I nice spot to implant? Is it continuing to grow?
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