Today was magical, bittersweet, joyful, peaceful, tearful, and gentle.
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This past week we planted a mountain laurel tree in the front yard of our new house.
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Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. I spent some time this morning looking back at photos from the day Ellis was stillborn. It’s bittersweet to remember.
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Exciting news...I’m featured in this month’s issue of San Antonio Magazine! I was so honored when they reached out to interview me. I felt validated—like the work I’m doing is meaningful. It also made me tear up to see Ellis’ name in print.
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In honor of International Women’s Day, I want to encourage you to let your light shine. I’m continuously amazed by all the women in my life who I’ve connected with since experiencing pregnancy loss.
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2019 is not ending the way we’d hoped—we learned yesterday that our first embryo transfer was unsuccessful. Though we’re disappointed on many levels, I don’t want 2019 to be defined only by grief and loss. It was also a year full of hope, rainbows, and risk taking.
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Today we are so excited to finally be moving into our new (112 year old) house! We’ve been renovating it for over two years—a time that has been full of more joy and more sorrow than I’ve ever experienced.
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This picture brings up visceral memories of the pain I felt the day Ellis was stillborn and also captures the mysterious ways that grief brings us together.
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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, the second one for me since Ellis was stillborn. I haven’t shared too many up close photos of him because I know it’s tender, heartbreaking, and honestly scary to think about perfectly healthy babies dying, but it’s a subject I believe we shouldn’t turn away from.
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Yin has been my healing energy lately. Yin is slow, quiet, receptive, and creative.
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I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my state of being after a year of loss, grief, and transformation. I feel like I’m finally starting to emerge, like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.
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An ultrasound confirmed on Tuesday that our little babe stopped growing a few weeks ago. I should have been about 10 weeks pregnant.
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A loved one gave us a small rainbow ornament for Ellis this Christmas. The tag on the ornament described a rainbow as a bridge between heaven and earth.
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After the magical day at Enchanted Rock, I started seeing rainbows on a regular basis. It’s like all of the sudden I had on rainbow colored glasses.
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In June, a month after Ellis was stillborn, we took him back up to Enchanted Rock. This time, instead of carrying him in my belly, Hunter carried Ellis in a tiny silver urn tucked away in his backpack.
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