Bereaved Mother's Day

Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. I spent some time this morning looking back at photos from the day Ellis was stillborn. It’s bittersweet to remember. My grief has softened now that nearly two years have passed, yet when I see the photos and videos from that evening at the hospital I can remember the intense visceral ache I felt. I can remember the wailing sounds that came out of my body that I didn’t recognize. As my cousin later told me, I was “birthing his spirit into heaven.”

May is Ellis’ birth month—his birthday is the 20th. I’m approaching this time with gentleness and few expectations. It’s difficult to anticipate how grief will show up. What I do know is that with the pain and longing also comes connection. During these times, I feel more connected to Ellis and also to other bereaved parents. None of us are alone in our grief.