Today was magical, bittersweet, joyful, peaceful, tearful, and gentle.
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This past week we planted a mountain laurel tree in the front yard of our new house.
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Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. I spent some time this morning looking back at photos from the day Ellis was stillborn. It’s bittersweet to remember.
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Exciting news...I’m featured in this month’s issue of San Antonio Magazine! I was so honored when they reached out to interview me. I felt validated—like the work I’m doing is meaningful. It also made me tear up to see Ellis’ name in print.
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Early in my grief after stillbirth, I read a book titled Finding Hope When a Child Dies. Its main thesis resonated with me and has continued to define my experience of grief—that the death of a child (or anything that we love deeply) is an initiation of sorts.
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In honor of International Women’s Day, I want to encourage you to let your light shine. I’m continuously amazed by all the women in my life who I’ve connected with since experiencing pregnancy loss.
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I’ve noticed a handful of people on Instagram have unfollowed me since our pregnancy announcement and it made me realize that I want to acknowledge how many emotions come with these sorts of things.
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2019 is not ending the way we’d hoped—we learned yesterday that our first embryo transfer was unsuccessful. Though we’re disappointed on many levels, I don’t want 2019 to be defined only by grief and loss. It was also a year full of hope, rainbows, and risk taking.
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Today we are so excited to finally be moving into our new (112 year old) house! We’ve been renovating it for over two years—a time that has been full of more joy and more sorrow than I’ve ever experienced.
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This picture brings up visceral memories of the pain I felt the day Ellis was stillborn and also captures the mysterious ways that grief brings us together.
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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, the second one for me since Ellis was stillborn. I haven’t shared too many up close photos of him because I know it’s tender, heartbreaking, and honestly scary to think about perfectly healthy babies dying, but it’s a subject I believe we shouldn’t turn away from.
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Today I visited a fertility clinic for the first time. My OB referred me to a doctor who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss, and I like her a lot—she is kind but direct. Based on our history she said we have a 5% chance of getting pregnant naturally and carrying to term.
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Yin has been my healing energy lately. Yin is slow, quiet, receptive, and creative.
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I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my state of being after a year of loss, grief, and transformation. I feel like I’m finally starting to emerge, like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.
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This past weekend I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher certification with Esther Vexler Yoga School. I started last September and have been meeting with my group of fellow teachers in training almost every other weekend for the last nine months.
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