Ellis’ Second Stillbirthday

Today was magical, bittersweet, joyful, peaceful, tearful, and gentle.

Pregnancy Loss, GriefTaylorMay 20, 2020pregnancy loss, stillbirth, griefComment

Ellis’ Tree

This past week we planted a mountain laurel tree in the front yard of our new house.

Pregnancy Loss, GriefTaylorMay 17, 2020stillbirth, grief, pregnancy lossComment

Bereaved Mother's Day

Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. I spent some time this morning looking back at photos from the day Ellis was stillborn. It’s bittersweet to remember.

Pregnancy LossTaylorMay 3, 2020pregnancy loss, stillbirth, griefComment

Bittersweet Move

Today we are so excited to finally be moving into our new (112 year old) house! We’ve been renovating it for over two years—a time that has been full of more joy and more sorrow than I’ve ever experienced.

Pregnancy Loss, Grief, Trying To ConceiveTaylorDecember 6, 2019grief, stillbirth, pregnancy loss, IVFComment

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

This picture brings up visceral memories of the pain I felt the day Ellis was stillborn and also captures the mysterious ways that grief brings us together.

Pregnancy Loss, GriefTaylorOctober 15, 2019pregnancy loss, stillbirth, miscarriageComment

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, the second one for me since Ellis was stillborn. I haven’t shared too many up close photos of him because I know it’s tender, heartbreaking, and honestly scary to think about perfectly healthy babies dying, but it’s a subject I believe we shouldn’t turn away from.

Pregnancy LossTaylorOctober 2, 2019stillbirth, pregnancy loss Comment

My First Visit to a Fertility Clinic

Today I visited a fertility clinic for the first time. My OB referred me to a doctor who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss, and I like her a lot—she is kind but direct. Based on our history she said we have a 5% chance of getting pregnant naturally and carrying to term.

Trying To ConceiveTaylorJuly 29, 2019infertility, IVF, stillbirth, pregnancy loss, trying to concieve

Emerging

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my state of being after a year of loss, grief, and transformation. I feel like I’m finally starting to emerge, like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorJune 14, 2019grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirthComment

Yoga Teacher Certification

This past weekend I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher certification with Esther Vexler Yoga School. I started last September and have been meeting with my group of fellow teachers in training almost every other weekend for the last nine months.

TaylorApril 30, 2019pregnancy loss, stillbirth, spirituality, yogaComment

Ellis' Rainbows 5/5: One Last Thought

A loved one gave us a small rainbow ornament for Ellis this Christmas. The tag on the ornament described a rainbow as a bridge between heaven and earth.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorFebruary 22, 2019spirituality, grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirthComment

Ellis' Rainbows 4/5: Miracles

After the magical day at Enchanted Rock, I started seeing rainbows on a regular basis. It’s like all of the sudden I had on rainbow colored glasses.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorFebruary 21, 2019grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, spirituality Comment

Ellis' Rainbows 3/5: A Magical Day

In June, a month after Ellis was stillborn, we took him back up to Enchanted Rock. This time, instead of carrying him in my belly, Hunter carried Ellis in a tiny silver urn tucked away in his backpack.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorFebruary 20, 2019grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, spirituality Comment

Ellis' Rainbows 2/5: The Rainbow

There were no windows in the triage room but unbeknownst to me, a severe thunderstorm was pummeling the ground outside.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorFebruary 19, 2019grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, spiritualityComment

Ellis' Rainbows 1/5: The Storm

I realize I haven’t fully told you the story of Ellis’ rainbows yet. I’ve been writing about them for months now and can’t cull the story down to just one post, so I’ll share a piece every day this week.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorFebruary 18, 2019grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirthComment

Six Months, Six Lessons

Today marks six months since Ellis died. Here are six (of many) things I’ve learned:

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorNovember 20, 2018grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirthComment