Anxiety During Pregnancy After Loss

Over the past several days I’ve contemplated how the current widespread anxiety around COVID-19 in our world makes me feel. I haven’t yet internalized it as my own anxiety and I hope it can stay that way.

This could be because I don’t currently have to worry about losing a job, my access to food, or someone I love from the virus. And I don’t take that for granted.

It could also be that I’m a little more equipped to deal with the anxiety because of another thing I’m going through right now—pregnancy after loss.

PAL can be riddled with anxiety and panicked fear in response to changes happening in your body or milestones approaching in your pregnancy. Thankfully I’ve been given no reasons to be fearful, but I’m also not naive that unexpected things do happen.

Our first ultrasound is coming up and I won’t deny that I feel anxious when I think about it. The last two ultrasounds I had while pregnant resulted in the words, “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat,” with Ellis in 2018 and with the baby I miscarried in 2019.

My approach is to focus on taking things day by day and avoid projecting my past onto my future. I cannot let anxiety about tomorrow ruin my today.

Perhaps we can apply this strategy to the situation affecting our world right now by just focusing on today—what can you to do take care of yourself, your family, and your neighbor? What GOOD things have you witnessed? What can you express gratitude for?

I created my “day by day” lapel pins with pregnancy after loss in mind, but the same approach is helpful in any difficult situation.

The pins are packaged with a poem I wrote: “When the future is cloudy and storms come your way, just remember to take it day by day.”

Anxiety about the future can feel overwhelming in times like these, so just take things one day at a time. Look for the good around you and hold onto hope.