We did it—I’m pregnant until proven otherwise! Our little embryo babe is nestled in its home for hopefully the next nine months.
Read MoreEmbryo Transfer #2 is scheduled for 2.22.2020 and I’m *trying* to let my hopes run wild!
Read MoreTomorrow marks another step in our IVF journey...I’m having a minor surgery called a hysteroscopy. Our fertility doctor wants to look more closely at my uterus to see if there’s any scar tissue from my c-section that might be affecting our ability to get pregnant.
Read MoreI’ve been struggling lately to maintain my hope. It’s been two weeks since our failed IVF cycle and I’ve felt pretty empty. I know the odds—we have a 70-80% chance of success with each frozen embryo transfer—I just honestly didn’t believe that we’d get the bad odds, again.
Read More2019 is not ending the way we’d hoped—we learned yesterday that our first embryo transfer was unsuccessful. Though we’re disappointed on many levels, I don’t want 2019 to be defined only by grief and loss. It was also a year full of hope, rainbows, and risk taking.
Read MoreWe’re transferring a frozen embryo tomorrow (Wednesday, December 18th) at 9:30am. I’m excited, nervous, grateful, and hopeful. All of our recent tests have come back looking great and our odds of success are very good.
Read MoreToday we are so excited to finally be moving into our new (112 year old) house! We’ve been renovating it for over two years—a time that has been full of more joy and more sorrow than I’ve ever experienced.
Read MoreI’ve also been holding onto some wonderful news from our IVF rainbow baby journey…after two weeks of waiting for our embryos to grow and then be tested and frozen, we learned that we have four genetically healthy embryos—two boys and two girls!! We are thrilled.
Read MoreThis picture brings up visceral memories of the pain I felt the day Ellis was stillborn and also captures the mysterious ways that grief brings us together.
Read MoreI’ve learned that pineapples are a big symbol in the IVF community because there’s a belief that eating it before an egg retrieval increases your odds of success. I’m not too sure about that, but I do know that pineapples are prickly just like all the things I’ve been pricked with throughout this process!
Read MoreOctober is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, the second one for me since Ellis was stillborn. I haven’t shared too many up close photos of him because I know it’s tender, heartbreaking, and honestly scary to think about perfectly healthy babies dying, but it’s a subject I believe we shouldn’t turn away from.
Read MoreI’ve been reflecting on the idea of resilience lately. I want to know more about how it’s possible to find beauty, gratitude, and joy in the midst of grief and trauma, which was my own experience after the stillbirth of my son, Ellis.
Read MoreIt’s National Rainbow Baby day, which celebrates babies born subsequent to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.
We’re still hoping for our rainbow baby, which is why I’ve started the Rainbow Baby Podcast—to document our own journey and to also tell the stories of others.
I‘ve got bittersweet feelings about summer coming to an end—it’s been such an enjoyable season and I’m sad it’s almost over. I feel like I’ve been making up for last summer somehow, when everything was shrouded in the darkness of grief after Ellis was stillborn.
Read MoreToday I visited a fertility clinic for the first time. My OB referred me to a doctor who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss, and I like her a lot—she is kind but direct. Based on our history she said we have a 5% chance of getting pregnant naturally and carrying to term.
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