Make It Happen

It’s been a week since I left my role at Artpace and I’ve been feeling all kinds of things—nostalgic, mournful, fulfilled, fearful, and excited for a new chapter.

TaylorOctober 20, 2018Comment

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Two people sent me pictures of the same rainbow this evening because it made them think of Ellis. This made my heart swell. I think of him every day.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorOctober 1, 2018pregnancy loss, stillbirth, grief Comment

A New Beginning

The sky was on fire tonight in the most beautiful way. I caught a glimpse of it as I pulled out of the parking lot at Artpace after hosting my last public program—I’ve announced that my last day will be October 13.

TaylorSeptember 27, 2018Comment

Storms

It’s been storming all week in San Antonio and I can’t help but think of the night we said goodbye to Ellis. That evening brought not only an emotional storm, but an actual thunderstorm as well.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorSeptember 11, 2018pregnancy loss, grief, stillbirthComment

My House

We are currently renovating this 111 year old house. The first time I went inside I knew it had good energy. I’ve since met many people who fondly remember the previous owner…

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorAugust 24, 2018stillbirth, grief, pregnancy loss Comment

Three Months

Today marks three months since Ellis left my body and this earth. It’s hard to make sense of that amount of time—it feels both long and short.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorAugust 20, 2018stillbirth, grief, pregnancy lossComment

Letter To Ellis

Today was Ellis’ due date. We’re at the beach, a special place for us, and will spread some of his ashes in the ocean tonight. A month ago we took some of his ashes to Enchanted Rock overlooking the Texas Hill Country and read letters to him written by me, Hunter, and our families.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorJuly 21, 2018stillbirth, pregnancy loss, grief Comment

Positivity

It’s been two months since Ellis died. This is the week he was supposed to be born—this Saturday, July 21st. Instead of the exciting anticipation of labor, his due date now brings pangs of sadness and longing for what might have been.

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorJuly 18, 2018stillbirth, grief, pregnancy loss Comment

Before and After

Zelda and I returned back to work this week at Artpace San Antonio. It feels like I’m re-entering the “real world”.

Pregnancy Loss, GriefTaylorJuly 5, 2018stillbirth, pregnancy loss, griefComment

Father's Day

To Hunter, the father of our son: After Ellis died you wondered aloud if we could be considered parents without having yet parented a child; ours died in my womb before we had the chance.

Pregnancy Loss, GriefTaylorJune 17, 2018stillbirth, grief, pregnancy lossComment

On Grief

They say grief is non-linear, though my Type A personality wants to believe it’s possible to graduate from one stage to the next. I experienced the first stage of grief, shock, when the doctor first told me, “I’m sorry, your baby does not have a heartbeat.”

Grief, Pregnancy LossTaylorJune 2, 2018grief, pregnancy loss, stillbirthComment

Darkness and Light

The last three nights the full moon has shone clear and bright in the sky. The first time I walked outside since leaving the hospital was in the security of darkness.

TaylorMay 29, 2018stillbirth, grief Comment

Hello, Goodbye

We welcomed and said goodbye to our sweet baby boy, Ellis Bates, born still last Sunday, May 20th just before midnight.

Pregnancy Loss, GriefTaylorMay 27, 2018stillbirth, pregnancy loss, grief Comment