30 Weeks Pregnant

My little buddy.

My perinatal specialist surprised me with this 3D image on Tuesday. She didn’t tell me that she was going to do a scan in 3D so I was shocked when I saw him clearly for the first time. 

I’ve been feeling very emotionally tender this week and I know why—I’ll be 31 weeks pregnant next week, which is the same gestation that Ellis was stillborn. I’m noticing sensations in my body that I haven’t felt since that time with him, such as this baby hiccuping for the first time. The last memory I have of Ellis moving is him hiccuping. 

These sensations not only bring up my grief for Ellis and but also fear as well. My body knows what happened before when I was at this stage in pregnancy. 

Thankfully I have weekly monitoring and reassurance from my doctors that the baby looks great. I’m trying to let myself feel all the emotions that are coming through me and not judge or attach to them. Easier said than done. Mama loves you, little guy.