15 Weeks Pregnant

15 week update—it was a big week!

I had an appointment with my perinatal specialist that went great—they basically did an early anatomy scan and the baby is growing right on track. It was such a relief to have that done the day before Ellis’ birthday. I had a bit of anxiety leading up to his birthday thinking that something might go wrong again on that day. It’s interesting how trauma creeps up like that.

I had two more appointments with other OBs to get additional opinions about my birth options since I previously had a c-section with Ellis. The appointments were very informative and not at all what I expected. Turns out the combination of stillbirth + c-section makes subsequent birth options more complex, though after talking with several doctors I think I’ve finally settled on a plan. I’ll share more on my next podcast episode.

One of the appointments was with an OB at the same hospital where I delivered Ellis. I met with her exactly two years to the day that she had been on call after Ellis‘ stillbirth. It was pretty surreal to revisit the hospital and to see her again. Thankfully she was supportive and empathetic and the consult gave me very helpful insight. The experience definitely triggered lots of memories and emotions, but I was glad that I did it—revisiting that space of trauma gave me back some of the power that I felt it had taken away from me. Now I’ve created a new, positive memory there.

I think I’ve started feeling the baby move this week. It’s still difficult to distinguish whether it’s truly the baby that I’m sensing but every time I’ve seen him on an ultrasound he is wiggling away so I know he’s moving a lot in there. I can’t wait to start really feeling him kick!

I hiked up to the top of Enchanted Rock on the morning of Ellis’ birthday with his little brother in my belly. We went slowly and took lots of breaks and I also used an umbrella to shade myself from the sun because it’s already around 90 degrees here in Texas. We hiked Enchanted Rock when I was five months pregnant with Ellis and then a few months later to spread his ashes there. It’s a very special place for us.

That’s the update for this week.