20 Weeks Pregnant

20 week pregnancy update. Baby B is the length of a banana.

I’ve been nesting quite a bit and have been more quiet and internal over the last several weeks. There’s a lot going on in the world. For me, now is a time for contemplation, internal work, and staying home.

Recently in Texas the COVID-19 restrictions were lifted and now we’re experiencing a surge in cases. I had felt myself starting to loosen up and relax more about the virus, but now I’m tightening up again—feeling the urge to stay home. The CDC says that there are increased risks for pregnant women, so I’d rather be on the safe side. I’ve found it helps ease any anxiety if I limit my exposure.

I’m feeling the baby kick throughout the day now, which is so reassuring and has made us bond much more deeply with him. Now I’m anticipating his arrival more and can imagine that will only grow stronger as we get closer to October. I love feeling him grow inside of me, but I also want him to be outside of me. I know that’s a common thing for loss moms—that even though it may be irrational, it feels like our babies will be safer outside of our bodies than in our wombs.

Reminding myself to stay present, take things day by day, and surrender.